How to Keep Unity in Your Marriage

If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there. And that’s just what the enemy wants. Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God. His greatest goal is to divide and conquer, and too often we let him.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the rulers of the darkness of this world. Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love most over the most insignificant things? Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!

So how do we stop looking at our mate as our enemy and restore unity to our marriages?

1. Make sure there is no sin in your life. Sin not only destroys unity between you and your mate, it destroys unity between you and God.
2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others. No couple is perfect. Don’t be deceived. Remember, you only see people’s public face, not their private struggles.
3. Focus on the positive in your spouse. Think on the good points instead of the faults. We all have faults. Human nature is to hide our own faults and point out the weaknesses in others. God sees you both as valuable. Look at your spouse the same way.
4. Pay attention to what you’re saying. Use your words to build up, not tear down. Realize how much power your words have.
5. Pray together. If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it will be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman. We communicate differently! The more you understand that, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.
7. Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your mate. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity.
8. Forgive. Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness.
9. Say you’re sorry! Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.
10. Be friends! This is another one that might be awkward, especially if you’ve been bickering. But make plans anyway. Go do something fun together.
11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team. Many of us show ourselves are valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!
12. Have sex! The marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.

Most importantly, commit, or recommit, your marriage to God. He can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.