Life keeps getting busier and it seems like the pace is speeding out of control. I am often asked, “How do you keep up and do all that there is to do?” One of the keys for my life—and one I believe everyone should have—is to discern the times and choose according to the season.
Ecclesiastes says, “To everything there is a season.” For almost nine years, I was able to work in our church’s youth ministry helping my own teens grow in Christ while helping other teens and investing in God’s Kingdom. Not only was I able to spend time with my children and help others grow in the process, I grew, too. And, it became an experience that would help define some of the next stages in my life. Was it sometimes hard or demanding of my time? Yes, you can be sure! Was it worth it? Absolutely. I see the fruit of my investment in my adult children, in other youth, and in my own spiritual growth. Conversely, many years before, I had resigned from coaching a girl’s basketball team because my children were small and the time commitment would detract from our growing, young family. The return was simply not worth the time away from our young children. It’s all about choosing the right priority in this season. It’s not that you can’t have it all—you just can’t have it all at exactly the same time!
What are you doing with this season and with the time you have? Each season has definite and important requirements that lay a foundation for the success of the next one. For instance, invest in your children while they’re young instead of pursuing a full-time vocation or ministry, but do take some time to use your gifts along the way. You won’t miss the small window of opportunity with them, and it will make the following seasons of life better because they were built on a more solid foundation.
So, how can you best invest your time and energy? Here are some ideas on how to do so wisely:
Don’t overcommit. Yes, it is possible in an attempt to please God and others to overcommit or to be taken advantage of in relationships, and even sometimes in Christian service. I’ve been there myself. I think it’s important to learn how to hear God’s direction in making long-term commitments, especially when a large amount of time commitment or financial assistance is required. But doesn’t God want us to meet every need? Interestingly enough, even Jesus differentiated between the demands that were placed on him. It was people’s faith that connected them to the answers He had for them, not His own. Later, the disciples turned down a request for finances, but met the need in a different way—God’s way. They said, “Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have I give.”
Evaluate relationships. I’ve learned that there are people who are consistently “takers” and those who instead look to “give.” We all have times of need, so as we have freely received we also should give to others. Healthy relationships should have times of giving and receiving to be solid. Even mission work and serving the poor needs to be balanced by seeking God for the best method to help. We must determine God’s answer to meet the need. Otherwise, we keep others who need to step up from doing so if we consistently take false responsibility to fix their problems. It can also be unhealthy if our identity or motivation is found in our works
When we work to obtain love, we will always feel shorted. This can manifest in resentment, as commitments to friends, job demands, and relationships with “takers” leave you empty. You can even do too much to meet your children’s demands, without expecting them in-turn to contribute at their level of age and ability. Consistently working 60 hours each week at your job, or constantly cleaning up after your 13-yeear-old may make you feel needed, but it will bankrupt you spiritually, physically, and emotionally, and will hurt others’ ability to grow and take personal responsibility. Everyone needs accountability so they can become their very best. Real love holds others accountable.
Identify with God’s Love for you and others. You are loved, accepted, and pleasing to God, and if you’re confident in that, any giving you do for others should flow from your identity solidly rooted in Christ. That said, one of the greatest blessings in life is to give, and it truly is more blessed to give than receive. Not only does God reward us, but we can also find a deep satisfaction in knowing that He led us to do so. If you give out of obligation or necessity then it can be a drain and it can wear you down and create resentment. Let your giving be done out of security in your identity in Him, and let it be by His Spirit, and of course done with JOY! God loves it when we give cheerfully.
Let your giving be motivated by love. “This is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full.” Joy is an inner force that comes from God’s Spirit. It emanates out of receiving love—real love from God—and then giving it away to others. As we love Him first, He will teach us how to love others (and love ourselves) from His vantage point. Only good things come from seeing ourselves, our relationships, and others the way God does. As we do, we can give to others from what we have. Loving others brings joy! But living to please others, and giving to gain acceptance, love, personal gain or approval from others, makes giving turn into a weight. Instead, we must live in the freedom of giving from God’s river of love.
Forgive quickly. But what about those who have hurt us? Love doesn’t keep a record of that. It just keeps loving because of the overflow of love from God. Someone’s deficit of love can’t rob me of my love reservoir if I have an overflowing source from God. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t hold them accountable for their decisions or apply consequences when necessary, but I don’t have to become bitter if they chose to wrong me in some way. I actually feel badly for them because I know they will reap what they have sown
Prioritize. Every demand doesn’t have the same priority. As we begin our new year, we need to pray and ask God to help us honor Him first, then our spouse, our children, our provision or vocation, and then our ministry to family, friendships, and others. For each of us to be our best, we must care for ourselves, too! You can’t give out of an empty vessel. Value others and yourself because God does.
Evaluate and eliminate distractions from your life. It’s time to do a family house cleaning—spiritually, emotionally, and materially. To do that:
- Set your goals as a family and individually and pray over them in a family gathering.
- Record it and write the vision.
- Define boundaries that align with and protect those priorities and goals.
- Get a game plan. Good intentions won’t get it done. What will you do monthly, weekly, and daily to meet those goals? Break it down and make it reasonable to carry out. It’s the small day-to-day choices that form a life and determine our successes. Look at the final goal and work backwards to determine what it will take to get there.
- Eliminate that which detracts from the vision and limit busy activities like too much television, video-gaming, social media, or any other time-consumers that don’t provide any return on your investment of time or money.
- Engage in activities or pursuits that have multiple rewards and dual purposes, such as working alongside your child volunteering at something that brings personal growth and relationship-building time for both of you. You can develop stronger skills while being with your child, working together to advance God’s Kingdom, and modeling important life priorities. That’s a triple win! Be willing to make sacrifices for the long-term rewards, but don’t sacrifice that which is long-term, like your faith or your family!
Pray and Read God’s Word. Create an environment for God’s Spirit to fill you and your family up daily.
- Set times that you will read your Bible and pray, but also pray throughout the day as you encounter life. Talk to God and do life with Him. He isn’t a 10-minute devotion. He’s a relationship partner who is with you all day.
- Place scripture promises around your home and small scripture books in nooks and rooms that can speak into your spirit throughout the day.
- Put teachings in the car stereo. Keep praise music playing in your home.
- Go to church weekly.
- Give your tithes and offerings and honor God first.
Wash yourself and your family with the water of God’s Word. We live in a dirty world, and we need to bathe spiritually so we can be in this world making a difference instead of getting dirtied by the evil of the day. Redeem the time for the days are evil, BUT His promises are greater. And, the reward is worth it in your life, your family, your finances, your health, and for your eternity!
Your 2012 can be the best year yet!
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